You’re a new leader and you’ve already pissed off your team. Here’s how to get them back

In accepting the position of CEO of a national non-profit organization, Lisa was energized by the challenge the board faced to advance the organization’s mission and programming. Anticipating the demanding work demands, she set early expectations with her team: She would work half a day on Fridays and take a monthly mental health day to reflect and recuperate. Lisa The mentioned research She reinforced her decision and felt proud to embody her leadership values. After speaking with her team, she noticed hesitation, even long sighs and eye movements. I wondered: Are they trying to sabotage me?
In our experience coaching hundreds of executives, Lisa’s story has become common. Many new leaders readily assert their leadership style and are willing to follow through on promises they make while interviewing to influence the course of the organization. If a leader does not fully understand the context, culture, and people within the current organization, their visionary enthusiasm can fail. When early mistakes are not addressed quickly, they can escalate, destroying initial goodwill and leading to irreparably damaging relationships.
If you’ve transitioned into a new role and find yourself confused by the dynamics or feeling like you’re losing the support of your team, here are three steps you can take:
Double down resistance and defense
When you feel like your actions are being poorly received, it’s tempting to justify your thinking and explain your goals further. Lisa assumed that employees did not understand the benefits of her self-care schedule, so she moved to prove and defend Benefits of a reduced work week. When this created more distance versus alignment with her employees, Lisa felt threatened.
Our human Wiring to surviveIt means that we often instinctively move to fight or flee when we feel threatened that we don’t belong or when our perspective is not valued. Lisa “fought” by providing more data justifying her good judgement, essentially asserting “I’m right!” Which kept her away from her team.
Through training, Lisa saw how doubling down on her efforts and defending ruined her. We trained simple Breathing exercises To calm her nervous system when her leadership decisions are threatened. We also explored the questions that helped her expand her interest and move into curiosity and connection mode:
- How can my team try to help me?
- What don’t I see that they see?
- How can I carry this more lightly?
In a calmer, more open and measured state, Lisa felt ready to learn rather than defend, a powerful first step for any leader facing a threat in her new role.
Invite other perspectives and engage with curiosity
Once Lisa calmed down, she realized that different viewpoints might play a role. She knew that being a “martyr” led to burnout and resentment, so setting her boundaries made sense. She also felt that emphasizing non-negotiables left the team without space to share their concerns; They felt rejected, as if Lisa were asserting: “This is what I need: adaptation!”
At her next leadership team meeting, she said: “I realized in my haste, to be honest, that I had failed to ask how and what happened. for you Needs and limits are. Can we discuss more?” As they explored the issue, a wealth of information emerged: concerns about being overloaded in her absence, concerns that she was abusing her authority by following a different schedule from the team, and concerns that she would not be available to make urgent decisions. Together with these ideas, the team can determine how to respect self-care as an organizational norm while ensuring equity and effectiveness.
When you take on a new position and feel undercurrents of dissatisfaction and resistance, the most important first attitude is curiosity. Take advantage of team or direct report 1:1 time to ask deeper questions and be genuinely curious about how the proposed changes will be viewed. Invite humility into your leadership: You were hired for your knowledge and experience, but your team can offer invaluable wisdom and perspective.
Balance patience and urgency when apologizing
Once Lisa confirmed that her approach went against organizational norms and alienated people, Lisa knew she needed to apologise. First, though, she had to progress through the emotional stages: 1) feeling hurt by the misunderstanding, to 2) feeling allied, to 3) angry because her intentions were misunderstood. When Lisa acknowledged her deep negative feelings, she felt ready to move forward effectively.
Once you recognize an error in judgment, it’s tempting to “fix it” and apologize immediately. However, a “good” apology has several steps according to… Book by Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy, Sorry, sorry, sorry: The case for good apologies. First, listen; Successful apologies Make sure the other person knows they are heard and understood. Then say clearly: “I’m sorry.” Don’t phrase apologies by deflecting responsibility, for example, “I’m sorry you felt that way.” Also explicitly share what you heard and learned from follow-up conversations to show your desire to grow and improve, for example, “I see that I asserted strong opinions that I felt were inconsistent with the current culture and created understandable resistance. I should have been more thoughtful in my approach.”
Finally, “fix” relationships with your team by clarifying what you will do differently based on what you have learned. In Lisa’s case, she agreed that her scheduled schedule would be a three-month trial that could be adjusted if it didn’t work out; She agreed to make herself available virtually to make pressing decisions while you’re away. It has established a task force to implement restorative days that can be available to all employees.
By taking the time to fully understand her mistake, offer a direct apology, and make amends with her team, Lisa learned from her mistakes. It honored its values while also adapting to the organization’s needs to build trust and communication.
The vision, ideas and enthusiasm that leaders bring to new roles is inspiring. However, leaders are likely to make mistakes while finding their footing in a new context. This can erode credibility and even limit tenure. However, mistakes that are thoughtfully acknowledged and dealt with can deepen confidence in a leader’s ability and move the organization forward.
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